my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
