you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
