i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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