fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
