either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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