I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
