I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
