Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize