So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
