I looked at my own cervix.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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