Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
