Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
