i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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