yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize