I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
