I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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