just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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