we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
