Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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