was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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