In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
