the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We need to get me chipped asap
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize