You just made me feel so damn special
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
