I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
