I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
