I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
