Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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