This girl is more easily done than said...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
