I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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