You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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