Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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