Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
