Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mom said you looked used
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
