..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
