i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
