i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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