Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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