The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
