he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
