I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
