just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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