was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
