A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
