Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
