how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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