Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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