Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
