So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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