we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
