Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
