Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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