Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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