I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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