He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
