So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
