He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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