We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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