from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
