All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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