On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize