Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Couch. On fire.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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