my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
