i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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