shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Two words: blizzard sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
