dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
