I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
His nipple licking is glorious
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