oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
im on a boat
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