You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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