You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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