i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
