If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
