if only i could text you this smell
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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