I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
