I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
